London Winter
by Tess 4 5
Summary: The night after a terrible case, snow in London, a bench. A short fic that came to my mind when I woke up very early yesterday (bloody work...) and looked out of the window seeing the world was covered in urban darkness and white again. Pensive fluff. Case already solved and only mentioned. - - -Sequel alert! ;-)


**Author's usual notes and disclaimer:** I don't own any of the original characters nor the original Inspector Lynley Mysteries – they belong to Elizabeth George and the BBC. I have borrowed the characters from the TV-Show and solely own the ideas of _my _stories and the developments _I've_ let them go through.

Please write a PM if I did something terribly wrong. Thanks!

Please read and review! More thanks!

* * *

**Author's note and summary:** The night after a terrible case, snow in London, a bench. A short fic that came to my mind when I woke up very early yesterday (bloody work...) and looked out of the window seeing the world was covered in urban darkness and white again. Pensive fluff. Case already solved and only mentioned.

* * *

**.**

**London Snow**

**.**

* * *

He could not remember anymore what had brought him here. He had not done it for quite some time now. DI Tommy Lynley stood at his Sergeant's doorstep and knocked. It was 4:30 in the morning. She did not answer.

He had not found sleep tonight. The previous case had been a real hard one and Tommy still could not imagine how degenerated one's mind could become to act as cruel as their murderer had. In total three women had been found dead, raped and slaughtered in the nastiest way. The last victim and her boyfriend had been helping them to solve the case. The murderer randomly - ran-dom-ly! Tommy's mind repeated disgusted - had picked happy young couples and followed the female half of them until he had caught her alone to fulfill his vicious plans. The poor woman, his last victim, had survived long enough to be found and interviewed but sadly she had not survived in the end. His Sergeant Barbara Havers had seemed to cope well with the whole affair. Icy cold and tight-lipped in the end, but when they finally had closed the files Tommy had seen sadness and fatigue in her eyes. Tommy had not even dared to ask her out for a drink tonight. This had made him fume at himself for the rest of the evening and most of the night, tossing and turning in his bed, wide awake. He finally got up again, dressed himself in warm winter clothes and drove to her flat.

He should not have been here again. He had done it several times before and at some point he had forced himself to stop with it. He had recognised that he really had enjoyed sleeping on her sofa and having breakfast with Barbara too much. He always had found peace when he was here. The need for peace probably was what had brought him here tonight.

He knocked again. She still did not open the door. Tommy wondered if she was deeply sleeping. Or had something happened? An ugly thought crossed his mind but he forced himself to wipe it away - they had arrested the murderer, he was not running around anymore. She was safe.

Besides, Barbara is no half of a happily loving couple. What a shame. Or maybe she is? Maybe she is not sleeping at her own home tonight!?

For a brief second Tommy felt a sting of jealousy and pitied himself for not being the one whose bed she occupied but then again - why should she choose him? The policing prince poncy, the aristocrat, the rich man, her boss, the haywire fool, the bloody idiot that should stop pitying himself for not finding love. And he absolutely should not at all think about being in bed with Barbara.

* * *

Barbara still did not answer and Tommy did not dare to call her. What should he tell her? He simply sighed and turned to walk out of the building again. He told himself that he should not have turned up at her door at all.

It had been freezingly cold for at least three days now and finally yesterday evening it had started to snow. Now the whole world was covered with a thin layer of white. He saw his own footsteps which he had left a few minutes ago when he came here but they were not the only traces. There were big ones coming from something like working boots and smaller ones. He had not seen them when he came, his mind had been somewhere else.

Again Tommy's mind played too much horrible scenarios and he quickly followed the traces. What if she was forced to go with him? He hurried down the short path to the kerb where he had parked his car. What if this was the track from her with the other man? The man she spent the night with? He slowed down his pace. At the footway he saw the traces divide. Mr. Factory Worker had left to the right and Lady Nightwalker had chosen to turn left. Since he had nothing else to do and knew he would never find sleep tonight he followed her. Maybe it was Barbara.

He knew it was foolish. What if these were the traces of someone different? What should he tell her? What could he tell Barbara if they were her steps? After a short walk following the footsteps of the unknown woman he recognised where he was heading to. It was Barbara, now Tommy was sure. It did not matter that he lost the trace when he crossed an already ploughed street. Tommy was not surprised to find the footsteps on the other side, walking along the fence, he did not care that he finally lost them totally because a snow-clearer was driving on the footway, already preparing it for the soon waking city.

Tommy was on his way to the bench on that hill in the park from where you have such a great view. He picked up speed.

* * *

From some distance he already could see a dark figure sitting on that bench. She was wearing her usual parka, a woollen cap and an enormous knitted scarf. Tommy smiled. He had teased her about that warm thing for the last three days. But indeed this was the right thing to wear in such a cold night. In order to not frighten her with his appearance Tommy took the path that wound up the hill in a loop. Barbara would see him approaching.

* * *

"What are _you_ doing here, Sir?" Barbara looked up at Tommy and watched how he sat down next to her. Closely next to her. Well, it was a cold night, some more warmth would do no harm.

"I could ask the same of you, Barbara, though I would emphasise the word _here_. Are you trying to freeze to death?"

Barbara simply answered with a grunting sound and continued to watch the skyline of London.

She felt that Tommy placed his arm partly on the backrest of the bench and partly around her shoulders. He was not only offering warmth. She always felt safe when he was near. Lately she almost felt loved when he was around. Well, probably it was only her loneliness that suggested it might be love he felt for her. Her foolish, lonely mind. But indeed he had become a constant in her life. She felt so much more for him than she ever had thought to be possible, more than she had wanted, deeper than she ever would admit. Too much for a relationship between colleagues, too futile for an Earl and an Acton girl.

She gave a soundless bitter laugh.

"I couldn't sleep." she silently said. Tommy just watched her and listened. He felt it was not the only reason. In fact it was not _his_ only reason for being here.

With her eyes still far away she told him that she had tossed and turned in her bed the whole night, wide awake, until she finally got up again, dressed herself in warm winter clothes and went here. Tommy's heart warmed when she also admitted that she was glad that he had not asked her out for a pint. "On the other side - would have been another good way to forget this ugly case, huh?"

"Mmmh." Tommy nodded.

Together they stared into the snowlit night. Then Barbara started speaking again.

"I suddenly recognised that life is too short to waste a second. It could end too abrupt and then you lay there and realise that you hadn't valued it enough, the beauty of life, the beauty of nature. Like this." She still had her hands in her coat pockets and pointed with her chin at the maiden blanket of snow that covered the grass in front of them.

"And the images of those women still are etched in my mind. 't's not something you want to dream of."

Tommy vividly remembered Barbara's reaction when she had seen the first body. The pathologist had lifted the covering sheet and instantly Barbara had turned and vomited into the bush. Tommy also had felt a bad nausea rising in his own throat.

He increased the pressure of his arm around her shoulder and felt how she leaned into the side of his chest. They stayed in that position, huddled close together, offering each other warmth against the physical and the mental cold. Barbara's voice was low and tired when she went on speaking.

"This affected me more than I thought, you know. You might not have seen it, well, I usually try to stay professional. It's the only way to deal with such things. No emotions on the job. But when we closed these files today I was so tired. So sick of all the evil we have to deal with."

Tommy nodded again. His hand squeezed her upper arm. They kept silent for a while.

"Anyway I'm glad that we are catching murderers and I'm glad we're doin' this together." she admitted. "Otherwise I probably would have given up this job a long time ago, I think."

"But you love to be a detective!?" His head jerked up and he watched her closely.

Barbara nodded and watched her feet. She knew she loved her job because it was time spent with Tommy.

Time is precious. Life is precious. It should not be wasted. Barbara cuddled even closer into Tommy's side.

"Tommy?" she asked after another silent moment. Her voice was shaking.

"Yes?" Tommy choked. His voice was hoarse. He stopped breathing. Barbara had called him by his given name. His mind went blank because it could not calculate all the possible things she might say now. He hoped the best and feared the worse.

"I think, I fell in love with you." Barbara silently said. Her eyes never stopped staring to that point between her toes. She could not look at Tommy.

He was looking at her red cheeks. With her words the shell of fear and hesitancy around his heart had exploded into a million happy pieces. Yes, he loved her too. He had not dared to admit it to himself sooner. He had been afraid that it would end up in a disaster like it always had done. He had not wanted to lose her only because he could not keep the distance, stay a friend, be a good colleague. He had not dared to confess his love for her because he had been afraid that he just complied with his own selfish needs. That he just was in love with love once more and not with the incredible woman in his arms.

* * *

For a while he said nothing. He did not trust his voice. When he finally spoke it was cracked and barely audible and he was out of breath because he had held it too long.

"I love you too, Barbara."

First her only reaction was to stiffen, then she leaned back into his embrace. She inclined her head and laid it onto his shoulder. Suddenly she felt she must be the calmest spot in the world. She had thought it over a million times. She had discussed with herself all the reasons and objections, why it was stupid, hopeless, out of reach and futile. But with the fatal doom of the women in their latest case still in the back of her mind, with the realisation that life is too short to waste time, she knew it had to be said. Because it was the truth.

She felt his cheek resting against her head and closed her eyes. Then she felt his fingers under her chin slightly pushing her face up. He wanted to look in her eyes. In fact he wanted to kiss her but she turned her head away.

"There are too many reasons why this shouldn't happen, Sir."

"There's only _one_ why it _should_! Life is too short to waste time." Tommy whispered. "Please look at me."

Barbara turned her head. She saw pure love in his eyes. A long implemented and deeply running love. She felt desire rising in her belly.

"This should have happened a long time ago, Barbara." He melted into her eyes that told him of the long suppressed feelings she had for him, told him of the yearning she endured for too long now.

Barbara cupped his face with her right hand. Her thumb brushed his lips. She wanted to kiss them. She wanted to feel them onto hers.

Tommy gently smiled and waited. He wanted her to kiss him. He wanted her to initiate the next step.

She did. She raised her face and closed her eyes. It was a briefly lingering and very soft contact. Afterwards they breathed each other's breath for a little while longer and savoured the warmth they felt from each other on their faces. Barbara's palm still was on his cheek and Tommy's hand was buried into her scarf feeling contact with the skin on her neck. Both still had their eyes closed when they exchanged another soft kiss.

Tommy never before had heard Barbara talking with such a tender voice.

She softly murmured that she was so very tired.

"And it's freezing cold, Sir. Let's go home."

* * *

**.**

* * *

**.**

* * *

**:-) R&amp;R!  
**


End file.
